Growing, Again

 

There’s something about sharing a pregnancy that makes it feel real in a new way.

Not because it wasn’t real before, but because suddenly it exists outside of just you. Outside of quiet moments and whispered conversations and little kicks you’re still waiting to feel again. It becomes something you’re carrying with the world watching.

And this time… it feels different.

I’m about four months along now, and while the excitement is just as strong, everything else has shifted a little.

This pregnancy has come with more fatigue, more nausea, and a little more uncertainty. With Talullah, I worked in a classroom full of toddlers almost up until the very end. I was constantly moving, constantly busy. Now, I spend a lot more time sitting, and somehow I feel even more tired.

Maybe it’s because I’ve spent the last two years pouring everything into raising a toddler of my own. Maybe it’s just how this pregnancy is meant to be. I don’t really have the answer, and I’m learning that I don’t need to.

What I do know is that I’m still here. Still showing up. Still playing, still loving, still being “Mom” in all the ways that matter.

And she knows.

We don’t talk about the baby all the time, but every now and then, Talullah will look at me and ask to see the baby. Which, to her, just means I lift my shirt. She’ll lean in, give my belly a kiss, sometimes a hug, and then go right back to whatever she was doing.

It’s simple. It’s sweet. It’s enough.

There’s been a lot of talk about what it means to have two little ones so close in age. I used to say I didn’t want two kids in diapers at the same time. I used to think I needed more space between them.

But watching Talullah grow has completely changed that perspective.

The little girl who turned two in October knew only a handful of words. And now, just a few months later, she’s talking, expressing herself, and showing independence in ways that still catch me off guard.

Toddlers don’t just grow slowly. They change overnight.

So when I think about where she’ll be by the time this baby arrives, I don’t feel overwhelmed. I feel curious. I feel excited.

She won’t be the same version of herself that I’m parenting today. She’ll be even more capable, even more independent, and still just as deserving of love and attention.

And that’s something I don’t worry about.

She’s in school full time, which gives me space during the day to bond with our baby. And our afternoons will still belong to her. And some days, maybe we’ll skip the routine altogether and just have slow mornings. 

Mom, baby, toddler… all figuring it out together.

This season will look different. My days will shift. My content will shift. My life will stretch in ways I haven’t experienced yet.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from motherhood so far, it’s this:

Love doesn’t divide. It multiplies.

And we are so, so excited for what’s ahead.