Parenting Is a Team Sport

 

I write this with a heavy heart and a prayerful spirit. Parenting is one of the hardest callings, and I know how overwhelming it can be. These words come from a place of compassion, not comparison, and are meant to encourage growth, not guilt.

Parenting was never meant to be a solo act, even when one parent is physically absent. It is a shared rhythm that requires awareness, sacrifice, and constant recalibration. Learning that has been one of the hardest and most meaningful parts of my relationship.

There were seasons where my partner and I struggled deeply. Not because we did not love each other, but because we were learning how to love each other while becoming parents at the same time.

When Presence Changes Everything

More recently, my daughter experienced a huge shift when her dad was deployed. He was gone for three months and is still going, and the change in her behavior was undeniable. She would ask for him. She would see him on FaceTime and feel confused. She knows who he is, but she does not know where he is. Some days she wanted nothing to do with the screen. No “I love you.” No engagement. Just distance.

That reaction did not come from a lack of bond. It came from how strong their bond is. She misses him because he is present. Because he shows up. Because he learned how to step in when she needed him and when I needed him. That was not always the case, but it became the case through intention and effort.Watching her grieve that absence reminded me how deeply children are affected by the dynamics between their parents.

When Personal Time Collides With Parenthood

Earlier on, one of our biggest struggles was time. My partner craved long stretches of personal time that simply did not align with life with a newborn or toddler.Parenthood does not operate on schedules. Babies do not care about plans. Toddlers do not care about set times. There were moments when he would come home expecting to unwind, but I had spent the entire day overstimulated, touched out, and emotionally depleted. In those moments, what I needed most was not fairness or a turn system. I needed support.

We had to learn that walking into the house meant walking into whatever day the other person had. Sometimes that meant plans changed. Not because one person mattered more, but because the family needed something different in that moment.

Caring for Each Other Outside of Parenting

Another hard truth we had to face was that we were so busy surviving parenthood that we forgot how to care for each other.

Simple questions disappeared.

How are you feeling?

What do you need tonight?

Do you want to take a walk or watch your show?

What sounds good for dinner?

Those small acts of care are not separate from parenting. They are what make us better parents.When we learned how to ask those questions again, we also learned how to read each other better. We learned when our daughter needed mom, when she needed dad, and when she just needed calm energy in the room.

The Exhaustion of Constant Asking

One of the most draining parts of early parenthood was the constant asking.

Can I take a shower?

Can you give her a bath tonight?

Can you watch her while I rest?

It wears on you to always have to ask for basic care or relief. It builds resentment when one person feels like they are always requesting support instead of receiving it freely. What helped us was learning to anticipate instead of tallying. Not keeping score. Not trading tasks. But stepping in when we saw the need.

Parenting is not a transaction. It is a partnership.

Some days one of us could do more. Some days neither of us could do much. We stopped framing it as equal output and started framing it as shared responsibility.

Resentment Is Felt Before It Is Understood

When we were stuck in a cycle of exhaustion and unmet needs, resentment grew quietly. Even when we thought our daughter was too young to notice, she noticed.Babies and toddlers feel energy long before they understand words. They sense tension. They absorb tone. They mirror what they see. Children learn how to treat others by watching how their parents treat each other.That realization was sobering. It pushed us to do the work earlier rather than later.

When It Rains for You, Your Children Shouldn’t Get Wet

This is one of my favorite sayings, and it is something I had to learn through experience. In the early postpartum months, if I was having a hard day, we stayed in bed. I breastfed in bed, watched TV, and let everything pause. Over time, I realized that while rest is important, my child still needed stimulation, movement, and engagement. She still needed tummy time. She still needed fresh air. She still needed me to show up, even when I was tired. I had to push myself to attend mommy-and-me classes just to have something to look forward to. I had to learn how to care for myself without letting my hard days spill over onto her. I also want to be honest and say that I did not have an immediate connection with my daughter. Those first weeks were shocking, and the bond took time. But now, two years in, I understand how important consistency and emotional regulation are. Even on hard days, I try to protect her from carrying what is not hers.

The same applies to my relationship. I had to learn not to take frustration out on my partner. He was learning too. Parenting requires teamwork, patience, and remembering why you chose to build a family together in the first place.

Learning Together Changes Everything

The truth is that parenting will test you in ways nothing else does. It exposes weak points, unmet needs, and communication gaps. But when you choose to learn together, to give instead of constantly asking, and to see parenting as something you carry side by side, it changes everything. We are not perfect. We are still learning. But we are intentional. And that intention is what our daughter feels most.

Hard seasons do not last forever. With intention, communication, and grace, families grow stronger. Keep going. You are building something that matter