Why I Don’t Have Many Mom Friends

 

I used to think motherhood would automatically come with a built-in village. You know, playdates, stroller walks, late night texts about teething and toddler tantrums. But somewhere between nap schedules, meal prep, and trying to keep my own head above water, I realized that village doesn’t just appear. You have to build it, and that takes time, energy, and vulnerability that most of us are already running low on.

The Truth About Mom Friend Energy

Mom friendships are beautiful, but they’re also a unique kind of relationship. They require understanding, flexibility, and grace, the kind that can only exist between people who truly get it. But not every mom is in the same season. Some are working full time, some are home full time, some are surviving postpartum, and some are chasing multiple kids while I’m still figuring out life with one.

Our schedules rarely line up, and even when they do, sometimes I just don’t have the social energy to give. I’ve also learned that not every mom connection is meant to become a friendship. Some are passing encouragements at the park, a kind smile at the grocery store, or a quick “you’ve got this” comment under a chaotic photo and that’s enough.

When Morals and Mindsets Don’t Match

Sometimes our morals, parenting styles, or mindsets just don’t line up. It’s hard to be close with a mom who doesn’t respect or receive advice with grace. There’s no maturity in shutting someone down for trying to help.

I’ve only been a mom for two years, but I’ve spent years working in childcare. I don’t think I know everything, but I do have experience, and I share advice out of love, not judgment. Still, not everyone wants to learn or grow in the same ways, and that’s okay.

Parenting differently or living different lifestyles can sometimes mean having fewer friends, but it also means the ones who stay are the right ones, the ones who fill my cup instead of emptying it.

The Comparison Trap

If I’m being honest, part of the reason I’ve struggled with mom friendships is because I used to compare myself. I’d see moms who seemed to have it all together, matching outfits, perfect routines, Pinterest snacks—and I’d feel like I didn’t measure up. But over time, I’ve learned that most of us are just figuring it out day by day.

What I’ve also noticed is how easy it is for mom friendships to slip into quiet competition. I never want to be in that space. I want to celebrate other moms, share ideas, and offer advice when it’s welcome, not feel like we’re keeping score. The best mom friends are the ones who don’t expect perfection—they show up.

Quality Over Quantity

The older I get (and the longer I’ve been a mom), the more I realize I don’t need a crowd, I need connection. I’d rather have two mom friends who check in, who pray with me, who understand my silence on hard days, than ten acquaintances I only see for special occasions.

I also know that I tend to give a lot of myself in relationships. When I show up, I really show up, and not everyone matches that energy. That used to hurt, but now I understand it’s just part of life. Some people are meant to stay for a season, and that doesn’t make the friendship less meaningful.

Motherhood already stretches me thin. My friendships should refill me, not drain me.

Learning to Be Okay With It

Sometimes, I still wish I had a big group to text about park days or share mom hacks with. But I also know that my worth as a mother or a woman isn’t tied to how many friends I have. Some seasons are for growing your circle, and some are for tending to your own roots.

I’m in my tending season, and that’s okay.