Things I Only Admit After 9pm

 There’s something about the quiet after bedtime that makes me honest. When the house finally settles, the toys stop clattering, and Talullah’s sound machine  hums softly, all the thoughts I’ve pushed away during the day find their way back to me.

After 9PM, I admit that I’m tired, not just physically, but deep down in my bones tired. I admit that sometimes I scroll through old photos and miss the newborn days even though I swore I wouldn’t. I admit that I still question if I’m doing enough, being enough, loving enough.

I admit that I crave silence but also feel lonely in it. That I replay conversations in my head and wonder if I should’ve said less, or more. That I think about Luke and wish he were here to make the nights feel lighter.

After 9PM, the strong, steady version of me softens. I let myself miss people. I let myself cry. I pray harder. I write more honestly. And I remind myself that even in the quiet ache of these hours, there’s beauty in being real  in being a little messy, a little emotional, a little me.

Because tomorrow I’ll wake up and start again. But tonight, I’m allowed to just feel.

 Your turn: what’s something you only admit after 10PM?

Leave it in the comments or jot it in your journal tonight. Let’s normalize the late-night honesty that reminds us we’re human.

- love a tired mama