7 Things I Didn’t Expect About fatherhood

A Guest Post By: Luke Boutwell

I’ll never forget the moment my wife walked into the gaming room holding a pregnancy test. I was mid session, playing Dungeons and Dragons online with friends, when she showed me the results. I stepped away, and we celebrated together. We were thrilled but honestly, I don’t think I fully grasped just how big it all was. It felt surreal.

At the time, my life was full of hobbies, work, time with friends, drill weekends. I knew things would change, but I didn’t realize how completely it would change 

The feelings of Talullah’s arrival (ITS ALIVE!)

The day Talullah was born, everything shifted. Her birth was traumatic for all three of us. For my wife, it was immensely painful; for me, it was emotionally overwhelming; and for Talullah, it was nearly fatal, we almost lost her.

Because my wife couldn’t hold her immediately, they placed her against my chest. She didn’t cry. Her tiny hands rested on me, and suddenly all those little kicks had a face. She was everything. I knew from that moment my life was no longer my own.

I remember staring down at her, terrified and amazed all at once. I didn’t know if I was strong enough to carry the weight of being her dad. But when she opened her eyes, it felt like she was looking straight through me, as if to say, “I’m here, and I need you.” In that moment, I stopped thinking about who I was before and started thinking about who I had to become.

It wasn’t just the beginning of her life, it was the beginning of mine as a father.

Exhaustion (what’s sleep?)

Once we brought her home, the reality hit. We had a tiny human depending on us for everything. We spent hours watching her sleep… until night fell. I expected to be tired, but nothing could have prepared me for just how little sleep we’d get. My wife and I grew snappy, and the exhaustion wore us thin. Eventually, you adapt, but those first months were brutal.

Nowhere Left to Hide

It’s shocking how much space a baby consumes, not just emotionally, but physically. Suddenly we needed endless bags, gadgets, chairs, walkers, and toys. Bottles piled in the sink. Our gaming room became a nursery, my computer moved to the living room, and our already small apartment felt even smaller and louder.

Full schedule 

This might be the biggest shift of all. Babies require constant supervision. Hobbies became “a hobby.” After work, I clocked in as Dad. Spontaneous hangouts with friends? Gone. Everything had to be scheduled weeks in advance.

There’s a phase of grieving your old life, but eventually you realize: you’d never trade this new one. Those things you lose begin to feel much smaller than the precious moments with your child. They’ll only be that small once, cherish all the firsts.

My Parenting style 

Parenting doesn’t come naturally, it’s a skill you learn through trial and error. And not every kid is the same. Tallulah is in the most formative stage of her life, and the pressure of “messing her up” can be overwhelming.

All I can do is give my best, act with love, and practice patience. Discipline has been the hardest, I’ve learned I need to be firm even when it doesn’t come easily. You have to come to peace with the fact that you will inevitably hurt your child. Their feelings are so big and they don’t have the same understanding as you, be sure to do everything out of love.

Dad-Mode Activated 

I thought I’d be a relaxed dad. I was wrong. I worry constantly when Talullah isn’t with my wife or me. I’ve become intensely protective, more than I ever imagined I would be. Balancing protection while promoting growth and independence is a Herculean feat on its own but just as big as discipline. It’s instinct to squeeze your baby close their whole life but eventually they will have to get up and walk even though they’ll fall may fall; they’ll have to run, even if it means letting go of your hand; and they’ll experience freedom and adventure, even if it means being apart from you. There are times to hold them tight, and times to let go.

She has my laugh 

It blows my mind to see her personality emerging, traits she’s picked up from us without even realizing. She’s wild, hilarious, and stubborn. A little goblin who belly-laughs ten times a day, throws tantrums over nothing, and fills the house with energy. I love her to pieces.

Seeing her grow has deepened the love between my wife and I. We’ve had our fair share of disagreements and challenges while learning to deal with a child but ultimately we only have each other to count on. There’s no person I trust more than her mother to protect her and we both know that even in disagreements, what’s best for talullah is our priority.

There’s no way to prepare for fatherhood. It will test you, humble you, and wear you down. But it will also fill you with more joy, love, and purpose than you thought possible.