Moments To Memories

 I miss breastfeeding, the closeness, the quiet bond we shared. In the moment, it was draining. I wanted to give up more than once. But deep down, I knew I was doing what was best for my baby.

And the scrunch, oh, how I miss that little rump tucked up on my chest, like nothing in the world had changed. Firm belly to my heart. I thought Talullah was such a big baby, 9 lbs 12 oz, but compared to now, she was so tiny.

I miss the late nights in the nursery. Having that space was so important to me. A room just for us. It gave me the chance to separate the chaos from the calm. I’d sit in my rocking chair under the soft glow of a small lamp, with a sleepy baby on my chest. It felt sacred.

Trying new foods was another sweet season. Around five months, a whole world of flavors opened up to her. I loved watching her discover tastes and textures. But that stage passes quickly. Now, in toddlerhood, she knows exactly what she wants, and sometimes, that just means cheese for dinner.

All the sounds of a baby are so sweet and small, well, maybe not the cry. That felt like the loudest sound I’d ever heard. But even that… I miss it. I miss the soft coos, the sleepy chuckles, the way a tiny babble would echo from the backseat while I drove in silence, just listening and smiling.

I remember the first time Talullah really looked at me. In those early weeks, babies can’t see very far, and their gaze often drifts. But there was a moment when our eyes met, truly met, and I knew she saw me. It was so brief, but it was magic. There are so many moments like that, ones you don’t realize are one-time only. Of course, I’ll experience them again someday, but not with her. And that’s what hurts.

Looking back, I realize how much of that season I rushed through, just trying to survive. I was tired, overwhelmed, and desperate for sleep. I thought once we reached the next phase, once she slept through the night or took longer naps, I’d be able to enjoy her more. But the truth is, those moments are gone now, and I wish I had lingered in them more.

So, dear new mama, if you’re in the thick of it, I know it’s hard. I know the days feel endless and the nights even more so. But remember, this is the only time your baby will ever be this small. If you’re still in that first year, this might be the last time you’ll hear that laugh, the last time they stay still in your arms, the last time their world is just you. Take a deep breath. Sit with your baby today. Soak them in.

And when the day feels long and the noise feels heavy, just remember, you are living a moment your future self will wish for one more time.