Marriage in the Trenches of Parenthood

  

Motherhood has a way of humbling us in the best and messiest ways. Before becoming a mom, I had all these ideas about what I wouldn’t do. And then… I met real life. And Talullah. Here are a few things I swore off until I didn’t.

Screen Time

I always knew I didn’t want my kid to be an “iPad kid” and she’s not! But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t enjoy cartoons like any child would.

Her first words, clapping, and even sighing came from watching Ms. Rachel. It turns out, screen time isn’t the problem it’s how we use it.

The key? Intentionality.

We treat screen time like a tool, not a babysitter. We pick shows with purpose, engage with her while she watches, and use it in moderation. Introducing screen time in a healthy way looks like this:

• Choosing educational and age-appropriate content

• Watching together when possible

• Talking about what’s on screen

• Setting consistent boundaries

Screens don’t raise kids parents do.

Co-Sleeping

Co-sleeping saved us.

We had a bassinet, and she used it sometimes… but for about 13 months, we practiced safe co-sleeping. That closeness helped us all rest and bond better, and now she sleeps in her crib, peacefully and independently.

What mattered most was doing what worked for our family and doing it safely.

Some safe co-sleeping tips that helped us:

• Firm mattress, no pillows or blankets near the baby

• Baby sleeps on their back

• Baby never sleeps alone in an adult bed

Now? Everyone’s in their own bed. And everyone’s rested. Praise.

Pacifier

Oh, I was so against pacifiers, swings, anything that soothed baby besides mom or dad. But then came breastfeeding and Talullah needed that sucking for comfort.

She’s now 18 months old and still uses her paci to fall asleep or mellow out. And honestly? It’s not that deep. It’s just a pacifier.

One day, we’ll help her let it go, gently. But for now, we’re just grateful she took one because there were moments early on when that little piece of plastic saved all our sanity.

Sweets

Listen. I wanted to be that mom the one who only served fruit for dessert and didn’t let sugar cross the threshold. But life is sweet. And childhood should be, too.

We keep treats balanced and special, not banned. There’s something beautiful about sharing a cookie, baking muffins together, or letting her enjoy a cupcake at a party without guilt.

Because I’ve learned: saying “yes” to joy in small doses teaches more than constant “no’s” ever could.

I won't need breaks

Before I had my daughter, I was a little too confident thinking that years of being the “fun aunt” to my nieces and nephews had me fully prepared. And in some small ways, it did help. I knew how to change diapers, plan sleepovers, and calm a tantrum or two.

But raising your own child? Being there every single day, every hour, meeting every need while trying to remember your own name? That’s a whole different kind of love and exhaustion.

No one talks enough about how constant motherhood is. How even the sweetest moments can feel heavy when you haven’t had a moment to breathe. Breaks aren’t a luxury they’re a necessity. I’ve learned that stepping away for a moment doesn’t make me a bad mom. It makes me a better one.

Motherhood is beautiful. But it’s also overwhelming, messy, emotional, and relentless. And if you’re in the thick of it toojust know you’re not alone. You’re doing better than you think.

Motherhood is full of humbling, heart-shaping moments.

I’ve learned that so many things I once judged were just tools waiting to be used with love, wisdom, and balance. I’m not the mom I thought I’d be…

I’m something better 

I’m her mom.

And that’s the only standard I’m trying to meet.